


Sometimes There is Only Duty

by Mymindtomangle



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Duty is Obi-Wan's life, Gen, Obi-Wan probably has some form of mild depression, but are they really his thoughts?, technically these guys are only mentioned in Obi-Wan's thoughts, themes of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-21 02:32:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10675869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mymindtomangle/pseuds/Mymindtomangle
Summary: Duty is the whole reason, the only reason he is still here.





	Sometimes There is Only Duty

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this when if popped into my head one day and didn't go away, I tagged it as themes of depression because there is definitely some mental illness going on here but I readily admit I am not a professional nor do I know everything there is about depression. I hope that I don't offend anyone, feel free to message me if there is any advice you wish to give regarding this topic.

Obi-Wan knows that there is something wrong with him.   


Obi-Wan _knows_ that sometimes he stares too long at his weapons, at his saber and his knife. That the urge to just take the shape edge and carve until he finds the empty space somewhere inside him, isn't Proper. That sometimes he freezes too long at the approach of a speeder or glazes too deeply over a cliff. He knows that the thoughts that crowd his mind during those brief instances aren't right, that these Thoughts aren't what a Jedi should be thinking. Jedi after all are peaceful, and true. They are beings of light that shine on all who call on them.

  
But Obi-Wan also knows just enough not to fall into the emptiness that is rattling the cage it was locked away in. He knows to slowly put his weapons away, to step away from the speeder, to look away from the edge. After all, if he actually went through with his Thoughts then he would be failing in his duty. The duty that he had fought tooth and nail for when he was younger.

_Where was that fight now?_

 

When Qui-Gon dies, he is taken aback by the sheer _anger_ . How _dare_ he? How dare he die! How dare he run forward, how dare he ignore the code by which they lived. _Didn't Qui-Gon understand that it was duty keeping them alive?_

 

 _In death Qui-Gon sees what he did not see in life._   
_The soul of his padawan, and he weeps for all that he missed,_ _  
_ _and for all that the living missed still._

 

In the end, all he can think is that it is better to have anger than it was to fall into the heavy emptiness that sits in the corner of his soul, creeping forward, gaining ground. The anger after all allowed him to continue to do his duty, which now included a bright burning boy. A boy who need Obi-Wan like Obi-Wan need duty. Obi-Wan’s duty just extended by at least 15 years. He hopes the anger can burn away the hollow feeling in his chest long enough to see this duty through.

 

And then the War happens.

 

And happens.

 

And happens.

 

And

 

And

 

And then it doesn't.

 

He's not sure how, but duty saw him through once more. Duty to the Order, to Anakin, to these men that were all but slaves to a dying Republic.

 

Duty.

 

Duty.

 

Duty.

 

Beats in his heart until-

 

Until-

 

It is too late.

 

Duty did not save his order. Duty did not save his brother. Duty did not save his friend, his sister.

 

But even as his heart cried out in an all consuming hole, he took the children that had been born and gave to them what little was left of  his duty.

 

Even when the blankness, the emptiness grew and grew until there was nothing left but sand, sun, and duty, he gave to the two children.

 

And then one day, duty stopped.

  
Stopped beating, stopped demanding.

 

_Rest, fall, let go, come home._

 

He allowed the emptiness to be filled with a smile on his face.


End file.
